


there's plenty of fish in the wrong sea

by shrdmdnssftw



Series: 1D Drabbles [4]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-31
Updated: 2012-08-31
Packaged: 2017-11-13 06:15:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/500390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrdmdnssftw/pseuds/shrdmdnssftw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>written quickly for <a href="http://1dkinkmeme.livejournal.com/2628.html?thread=2867012#t2867012">this unrequited love prompt</a> (except I can never follow prompts that well).</p>
            </blockquote>





	there's plenty of fish in the wrong sea

**Author's Note:**

> un-beta'd and somewhere between prose and poetry. title comes from [Everybody Wants Somebody](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e678SXKOh5k).

sometimes, zayn swears the guilt is actually in his veins, like pain and pleasure all at once, and when he's like this, eyes screwed shut against thoughts of _him_ , well.

it's adrenaline and guilt and blood and something that tells him he should be running from this, but instead he comes into his hand, thoughts of lips throat arms hips running through his head and burning themselves onto the inside of his eyelids.

it's a little fucked up that no one has confronted him about this yet, but it's also the only thing that keeps zayn going, so he lets the guilt course through him in lieu of something like love.

(because that wouldn't be right at all)

-

and when he's watching liam, yeah, zayn doesn't say it. doesn't let it show in his face because he's had years of this (and it feels like decades lifetimes to watch) and has learnt how to school his face.

(let's not forget the interview  
when liam talks about  
his last 24 hours  
and danielle-

zayn tries not to make a sound  
but later, harry pulls him aside  
and with arms that wrap around zayn's torso  
whispers some bullshit that it'll be okay)

because it's enough that he's _different_ to the others (and they can touch yeah, because it's not- it doesn't mean anything) without having to let liam know that-

this is zayn, in love with the bump of bone on liam's wrist and the way that his hair can curl and fall and the way that liam will laugh over anything, enthusiastic and heartfelt and the way that he's so in love.

zayn loves that liam loves (but hates that it's not him).

-

at one point, when they were all different people rather than us us us, they'd sat down and had it out with each other, so to speak.

and yeah, zayn had maybe come to terms with being- not gay, no, but. queer, he thinks, and the word slips off his tongue before he realises he can't swallow it back up.

it's one thing to know how you feel inside (and learn to accept that it's not wrong, not twisted or a sin or unnatural) and another to hash it out, but louis just quirks a smile, oddly silent for once, and niall looks to be just about unsurprised. harry is-

well, harry is nodding and that's something that zayn would file away, except for liam.

because liam is one best friend away from homophobia and a committed relationship already and maybe thirty percent of the reason zayn wants this to be okay.

(if he admits to himself that thirty is probably fifty is probably eighty, zayn would maybe be a more honest man)

so they have it out with each other and zayn pretends it doesn't hurt at all when liam just nods, tight lipped and tolerant.

-

if zayn wrote poems, they would be something like this-

> i want to tell you  
> how my lips could mould to yours  
> in the dark

> i could trace your skin with the tips of my fingers  
> and the lines of your palms  
> could press into mine

> (but the ways that i love you  
> are too much  
> and not enough for this)

but zayn cannot write, and so commits himself to a lifetime of trapped thoughts and trying not to be caught.

-

he's pretty sure that liam knows, and that's the best and worst of it all at once. 

best because it means that he doesn't carry this around in his chest, like the worst kind of hand grenade

(he'd explode  
because the _world_ knows - in the words of thousands of teenage fangirls  
and imposed on the words on his skin  
(because it had to be written somewhere)  
)

and the worst because this is unrequited love, and zayn can learn to move on

(can, but never will).


End file.
